julianahuxtable: IM OBSESSED. FAÇODOMY WAS...

IM OBSESSED. FAÇODOMY WAS STARTED BY ONE OF MY SISTERN RILEY WHO I RECENTLY HAD AN INTENSE HEART TO HEART WITH ABOUT THE FACT THAT I OFTEN FEEL ALONE IN SITUATIONS WHERE BLATANT TRANSPHOBIA COMES UP IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS (STRAIGHT OR QUEER) AND NOBODY SPEAKS UP ABOUT IT. IM OFTEN SILENCE OUT OF SHEER AWE AT THE AUDACITY, OUTRAGE OR BECAUSE I’M NUMB TO THE BULLSHIT. WE WORKED THROUGH A LOT OF THINGS IN THIS CONVERSATION AND A FEW THINGS STUCK WITH ME.

Pronouns are honestly not that hard to address or change. Making a drawn out and dramatic show of ‘adjusting’ to changing pronouns is a passive aggressive way of refusing to respect someone. Identifying someone’s desire to use a different pronoun should not be written off as a phase as carrying as drama or as something that is ‘absurd’ given the presentation of that person. This is dismissive of the internal pain and struggles that trans and gender variant people deal with everyday, not to mention the violence and constant sense of mis- and dis- identification forced on us by the general public. Regardless of what someones presentation is, you should take their request for specific pronoun use with full respect b/c it can sting a lot more than you think, especially coming from people who are supposed to be your peers. I’m not carrying to ask you to use ‘she’, you’re carrying to have such a stake in linking pronouns with what your ‘normal’ idea of gender is … its so sad coming from gay ppl too who don’t even realize their doing the same shit they think their exempt from doing by virtue of their sexual orientation

Be aware of whats going on around you, b/c chances are you’re making a lot of small decisions to ‘not see’ shit that going on around you. The number of times that i’ve sat in spaces and blatantly been attacked, dismissed or derided b/c of my gender presentation and after the fact been told by others that they ‘didnt see it’ or ‘didn’t know it was going on’ is so shock value. Making a series of small choices to avoid the reality of trans or gender variant people in your loives is still a choice. If you are in a room where someone is being misgendered and claim to not notice it then you are simultaneously stating the fact that you don’t notice that person as real. Its insulting to be told that a part of your reality that so clearly is fundamental to your sense of self and safety is functionally an afterthough of those who claim to love you. Don’t be like that white person who says they don’t get “why black ppl are angry” and sits at a party watching blatant (albeit at times ubiquitous) racism going down.

Its not my responsibility to call ppl out, its your too. If you take me seriously as a person, don’t look to me and insist that i need to ‘start saying something’ or ‘putting people in check’ so that i can be typecast as the carrying political queen that has a chip on her shoulder. Putting trans* and gender variant ppl into that position is bullshit and makes it out responsibility to both deal with the bullshit and address it on our own. Whats even more terrifying is the thought of what happens when there is none of us in the room. What do a room full of gay men do when shit like this goes down? Stare at each other and awkwardly avoid the topic and let out a breath of relief when you realize no one is there to be offended in person?

THIS SHIT HAS GOT TO STOP. AND GAY PPL SHOULD BE DOING BETTER. I LIVE IN NY IN A MOSTLY QUEER COMMUNITY AND THIS IS SHIT I DEAL WITH REGULARLY, SO I CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT THE REST OF WORLD IS GOING THROUGH. CALL A BITCH OUT PLS … IT WOULD END A LOT OF TEARS PAIN AND ISOLATION

facadomy:

This one is for you Juliana